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I don’t shave

So I’m taking an Intro to Lit. class, and we’ve been studying Fight Club (we watched the movie, didn’t have to read the book, talked about it, had a blast, my professor is awesome!) and we had to do an essay on whatever, as long as it related to the material in some way or another. I’ve talked about this to a few people because it comes up when I lift my arms, or show my legs, but I feel like this essay puts my views forward in a clearer way, and seeing as this blog is essentially an extension of myself I thought I would share it.

I thought about taking out the Fight Club references, but I love the movie,,,,and I didn’t feel like it.

Continue reading

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Some kind of fear, or courage

I’ve been experiencing this feeling for the longest time, and it just becomes more daunting and daunting each time that I do. I don’t know if there is a single word for it, if you know of one please let me know. If you’ve read most of my blog, you’ll know that I’m a writer, of many sorts, mostly splashing pages with my running thoughts, trying to catch up with them, but on occasion I write poetry. Sometimes I write satisfactory poetry, the kind that sends some kind of message and speaks to someone, which is all I could ever ask for. Sometimes I write crap poetry that should actually never ever be seen by anyone, lest it disintegrates their brain cells with its toxic worthlessness (yes I’m exaggerating,,,,maybe). What scares and excites me the most is my last piece being my best piece. I think that’s all I have to say about that. I’m in a weird place right now where I’m feeling extremely vulnerable. It’s an exciting place, because it means something (I’m trying to figure out what) has pushed me so far into myself and forced me out, and now I don’t have anywhere to hide. I know there is something extraordinary about vulnerability, and what lies in those moments. The truth, naked, stripped of all the layers we pile on everyday of our life. I hope this feeling doesn’t go away. It sucks terribly! It’s a little terrifying, just like the feeling of not being able to live up to your last piece! But there is something in this place waiting to be found, and with these thoughts I’m brewing in my mind, I welcome it. I only hope my forwardness doesn’t scare anything back in.

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Wait for it, Or go after it?

So there’s something I want. It’s not really important, I just can’t stop thinking about it, and it’s really been frustrating me for a while.

It’s something I could probably live without, and I would eventually get over it, but I kinda don’t want to. I have this agreement with my mind right, if there’s something we both like, and are interested in (we being heart and mind) we let it take over both of us. That’s dumb right? Have one foot on the ground and what not for Pete’s sake. Yeah I know that, and I understand that,,,,logically, but it just doesn’t translate into a reality.

This thing, I haven’t been able to get it off my mind, not just the thing though, but the situation surrounding it, the repercussions of attaining it, the consequences of not attaining it, the process of trying to attain it and what that might do to my mental health,,,,

I am stuck, at this point of immersion, where either decision could go really well, or really badly, in both senses,,,,if that makes sense? E.g if I go after it, and get it, it might not be a good thing,,,,sense made? I believe we are together

So ummmm, that’s where I am at the moment. Just floating in limbo in the waiting place.

The-Waiting-Place

‘But I know,,,,somehow I’ll escape, all this waiting and staying. I’ll find the bright places, where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more I’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because I’m that kind of guy!’ – the one and only

See you in a few hopefully.

Thanks for reading my nonsense.

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Believe!

There’s a lot going on in my mind today, plus I have a massive (yes, massive, no other word would fit so perfectly) headache! I’m not sure I’ll be able to grasp one idea and convey it in a way that anybody but myself would understand, so ummm, I just won’t talk about those things till I’m mentally and physically prepared to run with all my thoughts, because Lord knows my fingers will be running across the keyboard to keep up with my thoughts. 

But I was looking through one of my writing books (because it’s not really a journal/diary) and found this from a year or 2 ago, so you know, I hope it challenges someone.

Looking for something you think you’ll never find, which you *understand* is unattainable is a waste of time. Until you allow yourself to believe that you canwill, and deserve to find it, you will never have the courage to look in the right place!

Happy searching =)

I’ll post 1 or 2 inspiring pictures as well.

xx

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Hiding behind a keyboard

Sometimes my fingers don’t tap what my lips need to say, what my mind, nope, heart has to say! So I let them edit my sentiments, and disguise my imperfections but what good does that do?! I’m not gonna build a life in the confines of my screen!

There’s something extremely annoying about the *liberation* that is the internet, and chatting. I mean it’s fantastic yes, I can talk to, anyone and everyone, at the same time, from completely different time zones, and never lose touch with anyone, and you know all that commercial nonsense, but it’s not really them I’m talking to, is it? It’s an edited version

No I don’t mean the capitalisation of I, or grammar and spelling and all that (although I do appreciate it when English is typed in it’s correct manner at least in those aspects) I definitely don’t care for punctuation, because you know, we’ve seen how little that matters to me in my very long convoluted sentences, a topic which I keep promising to discuss but never have actually!! (I dislike full stops,,,,tbe, sometime, maybe) but that’s my point, part of it, sort of, I dunno.

Ummmm, where was I?

Edited versions, yes. I mean hidden facial expressions, exaggerated reactions (LOL isn’t really laugh out loud anymore it’s a smile, at best! LMAO is a smile with a little tooth action in there,,,,I believe you get the point) Why is it so difficult to be sincere online? We’ve got all these different kinds of audiences to worry about. It’s very hard to be all you in front of things, people, that represent different parts of you isn’t it? It’s easier to compartmentalise. Well easy is boring! I’m being side tracked (glad I picked the title I did for this blog! disclaimers, thankfully, become obsolete)

Hiding! Keyboards! 

Sometimes I type things I wish I could say, and say things I wish I could type. Maybe if I keep typing stuff like this, and go out more, both those dreams will be realised (haha, it’s never that serious). I aspire to be just as witty and direct in my face to face conversations as I am behind a keyboard, and I will try my best to invite the sincerity of my facial expression and unedited gestures to the binary world (is that a thing? can I say that?)

I don’t think I have much else to say about that right now.