Recently my life has been a little on the edge, not in the dangerous ‘edgy’ (lol) way, but literally on the edge, waiting, about to tip, at that almost point, and I kept on being swayed back and forth, it looked like I could go either way. Having to deal with being in that middle point was exhausting, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Being at that point isn’t only difficult because of the tossing and turning, and tipping back and forth, it’s difficult because while you’re keeping your eyes on both ends, you have to make sure some part of you is attached to the ground and you don’t go floating up into the sky. I had these dreams about my life, two beautiful dreams that both looked like nothing could pull me down from them, so I started to reach up for them, but my hands can only go so far in two different directions, and I found my toes lifting off the ground as one pull got stronger than the other, then clouds started to shift changing the force of my pull taking me back to that mid point, where all of half of me was fully invested in each side, and I was stuck, stretched out like an elastic band waiting to snap. So I resigned myself to the situation and lay flaccid on that middle point, waiting to be blown in whatever direction the wind chose, because I was done tugging, I was done resisting, and pushing, I was done. Today I was pushed, slightly blown to one side, and I let myself be blown, the air is warm, and I feel like a feather floating down, trickling, being swayed by the winds, a little lost because well you know, feathers normally work together right? huddle up, gather the courage, then attack the air with determined slaps to propel themselves forward. Have I lost my wings? How is it that I don’t remember the sensation of flying? Tell me how does a caged bird stop losing its feathers?
Soooooo, the laptop that I use, crashed!! Just up and decided she was done =( hence my unexplained absence, but I’ve decided to be more proactive about it. I’ll start writing them out, then I’ll type and post in abundance whenever I get the chance [idea credit goes to MaFlowers ;) ] But I’ve experienced quite a bit in the last few weeks. I’ve met some amazing people, I’ve done some pretty great things too, and I’m starting to reunite with some very special friends of mine, one by one. Life is pretty good. I’ll tell you more about all that when I get the chance, and they shall be titled accordingly =)
For now though, I just bumped into a movie (i really can’t find a better way to put that) called Into Your Eyes, and I think I liked it, I’m still trying to decide, the concept is pretty great,,,,in theory, and the execution isn’t pretty bad either, but maybe I’m indecisive about how i feel about it because I didn’t watch the whole thing, anyway, where i was trying to go with this random fact is,,,,i’m not quite sure now o.O watch the movie!! hahaha, and experience this confusion with me.
Till the next time =)
you stay away from something you care about long enough you start to forget it
you stop missing it as much as you did
you start to forget all the good times you had together
you forget about how much you cared about them and how they made you feel
just when you think you finally got over the thing that crowded your mind every second of everyday
it pops back into your life and everything comes rushing back
all those feelings rise back up to the surface and you forget how hard you worked to push them down
soon enough your pining for that thing more than you ever did.
you forget all the pain it caused you and start to remember all the great moments you had together
then it reminds you why you stayed away from it, and you feel like an idiot for relapsing.
HAHAHA give us the truth people!!!!